My parents decided to go home to rest. I assured them that we would call if my labor progressed. Poor Jin slept on the uncomfortable fold-out chair. Throughout the night, I was poked and probed with machines to check my vitals but I felt no contractions. The fetal monitor made an annoying, high-pitched beeping noise, so both Jin and I got little sleep. By the time I drifted off to sleepy-land, my nurse bursted in to announce that induction would begin!
5:45am
I was slightly perturbed because they told me the previous night that induction would begin at 7am. I was supposed to get an hour more of sleep! Apparently, nurses adhere to their own schedules and could care less about your own wishes. Regardless, I woke up with excitement because I knew that soon I would have a baby girl in my arms!
6:15am
My IV line was inserted and the nurse begins the pitocin. Almost immediately, I felt a mild cramping in my lower abdomen. Because I was hooked up to a monitor, I was able to see when my contractions started and ended. As the intensity of my muscle contractions grew greater, the line on the monitor peaked and gradually settled to a trough as the contractions lessened.
8:15am
By this time, my parents returned with breakfast for Jin. He had requested the night before to have coffee and a Starbuck's muffin. Instead of just one muffin, my mom proudly pulled out 3 bags-full of pastries - not only were there muffins, but several cakes, bagels, scones...Unforutunately, since I already had my IV running, I could only watch them eat.
Which brings me to another side note: They always tell you that the normal course for labor for a first-time mother is 16-24 hours. But they fail to inform you that you cannot eat during this entire time! What a cruel way to treat a woman who is about to endure the hardest, most grueling event of her life! Of course this is a precautionary medical measure in case the mother must emergently undergo surgery with anesthesia (any food sitting in the stomach could increase the risk of aspiration). Thus, would begin my 24+ hours of fasting (recall my last meal was at 7pm the previous night, and my next meal was not to be until breakfast the day after my baby was born).
9:15am
My nurse comes in with the midwife, Deborah Cox (which coincidentally was the name of one of my brother's playmate when we were little. It was a little strange imagining little Deborah Cox from Van Dyke Drive probing my female genitalia). Deborah seemed friendly and very knowledgeable. Although she was not an MD, she was able to answer all the questions I had regarding the birth process. Earlier in the morning, I was given a choice whether I wanted to receive care from a doctor or a Certified Nurse Midwife. I elected the midwife because I had heard many great things about them. They seemed more attentive, more caring, and had probably endured several of their own labors and thus could provide knowledge from experience. Also, if there were no complications with your birth, you were advised to have a midwife instead of the doctor, who could potentially be unavailable in surgery.
Deborah came to check on my progress and after examining me, she reported that my cervix was dilated to 2 centimeters. I had 8 more centimeters to go until I could start pushing. Jin and I decided to play cards to pass the time.
11:00am
The contractions are beginning to get stronger and are occurring more frequently. Now the pain is comparable to bad menstrual cramps except that the pain radiates through my entire abdomen. It's getting harder to ignore the pain. My nurse tells me that I'm progressing as planned and that I'm dilated to 3.5 cm.
Around this time, Jin gets a greasy burger and fries for lunch. I am again left to imagine how the fine burger juices must taste melting in my mouth as my stomach growls in hunger.
12:30pm
Yikes! the pain is really starting to HURT! It feels as though someone is twisting and tightening my muscles. For some reason, I feel a strange urge to poop. The best way to describe the pain is to compare it to a cramp in your bowels while taking a massive hard and fossilized crap.
My nurse asks me if I need any pain meds and I eagerly say yes!
12:40pm
She returns with a syringe of narcotics (Fentanyl) which is injected into my IV line. Almost immediately, I feel a sensation of calm and euphoria wash over me. Jin laughs as he sees the 180 degree change in my demeanor. Ah, the marvels of modern medicine. I love drugs... I don't remember much after this because I fall asleep (can you believe you can sleep during labor?!).
3:30pm
The narcotics are wearing off and I'm feeling intense pain again. My nurse checks my cervix and says that I'm almost at 5 cm. She says that if I were to get an epidural, this would be the best time to begin. As I lay on the bed scrunched up in pain, I think about this for .0001 second and give the go-ahead to insert the epidural.
3:50pm
The nurse anesthesiologist, nurse, and midwife reappear to insert the epidural. I must admit for me, this was the scariest and most painful part of the labor process. I never shed a tear through any of the painful contractions, but for some reason, I cried like a baby when the epidural needle was put in. In retrospect, I probably cried because I was scared. Scared that they would puncture through my spine, scared that spinal fluid and nerve fibers would spill out, scared that I would be paralyzed for life. They also made me sign a waiver beforehand stating that I understood the risks involved with receiving an epidural. Potential side effects included spinal headache, infection, and of course, paralysis. Luckily, I experienced no lasting side effects.
Again, this intervention resulted in immediate relief from my pain. This time, I could feel a cooling tingling sensation flow through my legs, down to my toes. Eventually, this was replaced by complete numbness which crawled up my legs and into my butt. My epidural also contained fentanyl so I again drifted off to sleep with a goofy grin on my face.
4:30pm
My nurse comes back again and reports that I am now at 8.5cm. Less than two centimeters to go! During the previous check of my cervix I was at 5cm and now I was almost at 9! Wow! It wouldn't be long now until I would start pushing.
6:30pm
My nurse is MIA until now. Where has she been? Doesn't she know I'm about to have a baby? It is then I truly realize that things happen in a hospital according to the nursing staff shift changes and not by any changes in the patient's status.
The next nursing shift has started so my new nurse finally comes in to examine my cervix. She reports that I'm at 9.5 cm. "Shouldn't we start pushing?", I ask as she checks my temperature. She informs me that I'm not at 10 cm and that she would return in 2 hours to recheck. Two hours!? By then the baby will be lying on the floor!
She leaves the room but promptly returns to announce a "change of plan". She quickly explains that I had spiked a fever, that I would need antibiotics and that we would begin pushing right away to get the baby out as soon as possible. Because my water had broken so long ago, I was at risk for infection. Now that I had a temperature, the infection could potentially harm the baby unless we got her out soon!
6:45pm
With the midwife, nurse, and hubby at my side, I am placed on my back on the bed with my legs in air, ready to push. I am instructed to take a deep breath as I feel a contraction and then to push as hard as I can as if I were having a massive bowel movement.
At first I find my energy from sheer adrenaline and excitement of seeing my baby. I remember applying my whole heart and soul into each push. Jin must have been terrified looking at my reddened face with veins popping through my neck as I strained with each push. I tried to visualize in my mind the angelic face of my baby daughter to endure the pain from the contractions.
By now, the epidural has worn off enough to allow me to feel each contraction. And with each one, I feel an overwhelming urge to push or bear down (like you're taking a crap). In fact, pushing relieves the pain.
7:45pm
Deborah offers to place a mirror at my hiney so that I can see. I can see her little head! And it's fully covered with hair! or is that me? Deborah assures me that the hair is the baby's and that the head is peaking through. This gives me an extra burst of energy to push.
8:45pm
Still pushing, and still little progress. Her head is in the same position as before. What's going on?
By now, several doctors have come in to examine my condition. I was still spiking a fever and was receiving my first dose of antibiotics. Dr. Jeffrey Traynor was brought in to evaluate me to see if vacuum or forceps delivery would be needed. I was immediately adamant against the use of forceps but the nurse and midwife both assured me that Dr. Traynor was the "Forceps God" and that if anyone could deliver a baby by forceps, Dr. Traynor would be your first choice.
9:30pm
After examining my progress (or lack thereof), Dr. Traynor explained that forceps or vacuum delivery was often used when pushing was ineffective. Most women are given 3 hours of pushing before other measures are employed. I was nearing my 3 hour mark and the baby still had not descended further down the birth canal. It was time to take my own drastic measures.
In my child birth prep course we learned various positions that would aid the baby through the birth canal. I learned that laying on your back was in fact the worst position to be in for labor because the downward pressure on your tailbone actually closed the pelvic opening. From previous ultrasounds and through manual palpation, I knew that my baby was lying head-down with her face and body lying to the side. The optimal position for the baby to pass is to have her facing your tailbone. So I moved to my hands and knees to allow gravity to rotate my baby internally to face backwards.
After several pushes in this position, and little progress, I switched to other positions I had learned in my class. The nurse and midwife were very concerned because the epidural limits your leg mobility and increases your chance for injury. But I insisted on pushing in these unconventional poses.
10:15pm
My temperature has spiked to 102 degrees and the baby's heart rate has jumped dangerously to greater than 200 beats/min. Again, Dr. Traynor is called in to evaluate the situation. He informs me that because the baby is now in danger due to my infection, he has little choice but to perform a cesarean birth. I quickly ask him questions about my baby's well-being (will the fever cause harm to my baby?), the procedure (what anesthesia will I receive?), my future method for delivery (am I able to have a vaginal delivery for my second baby?) and any other random question that I could think of to stall while I contemplated these turn of events.
Strangely enough, I had a premonition earlier in the day that I would end up giving birth by c-section. I was always told that asian women had smaller hips and that a medium to large-sized baby would not easily fit through the pelvis. Maybe my baby was going to be big!
With little time to think, I looked to Jin for his thoughts. He kissed my hand tenderly and assured me that a c-section was the best way to go. He also joked that our baby would have a nice round head instead of a cone-head that most vaginally delivered babies had. And with that, I was wheeled out of my room and prepped for surgery.
As quickly as I consent to the surgery, I am prepped and wheeled into the OR.
10:30pm
I am placed on the surgery table with my arms outstretched in a T-formation. A curtain is placed in front of me to prevent viewing of the gory mess that is to take place at my abdomen. A bolus of additional anesthesia is run through my epidural line. The anesthesiologist begins to poke me in different areas of my chest to see if I feel sensation. Jin is at my side holding my hand and smiling at me. He notices that I'm nervous and begins to comfort me with thoughts of our beautiful baby. "Soon we'll get to meet her." he says.
By now the surgery has begun and although I feel no exact sensations, the pulling and tugging pressure on my belly is enough to verify that my innards are being pulled out. I'm starting to freak out a little so I ask Jin to talk to me about happy unrelated thoughts. He tries desperately to find a topic of conversation that would distract me. I forget exactly what he says next, but I remember thinking that he's trying so hard to comfort me and that the fear in my face must be scaring him, too. So I manage to chuckle a laugh and I smile at the thought of us soon being a family.
10:54pm
Isabella Meilan Yun is born! I hear her distant cry as Jin stands up to look over the curtain. His look of amazement on his face tells me that she is beautiful and healthy. Tears immediately well up in my eyes as I begin to sob. "Oh, she's so big!" Jin exclaims!
Baby Isabella being pulled from my stomach
She's born slightly bloated, but happy! Check out her swollen pork-chop thighs!
The baby is taken to the warmer and is cleaned off. "Seven pounds, 10 ounces and 20 inches long! She's a good sized baby!", the nurse announces.
Jin cuts the umbilical cord (he describes it like cutting a rubber hose) and stays by the baby while she's being cleaned.
Her apgar score is perfect, 9 out of 10. The nurse wraps her in a blanket and sets her on my chest. Jin hugs me - we're a little family!
How beautiful she looks with her little cap. I can't believe we're a family!
Just as my vision begins to focus through the haziness of my tears, my chest becomes heavier - it's getting hard to breathe...I gasp for air, but I feel like I'm drowning. "I can't breath! Get her off my chest!" I exclaim to the anesthesiologist. The baby is whisked off my chest and is taken away. Jin follows her.
"Don't worry, I'm gonna give you something that will make you feel REAL nice...." the anesthesiologist says. Then as soon as the panic attack comes, it goes away and I drift off into the darkness of sleep....
I awake in the recovery room alone with no one around. Though I don't really mind because all I wanted to do was sleep....
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