The other day I took the BART to downtown Oakland where Jin works. As I emerged from the underground transit station, I noticed a man standing before me with his back facing me. His clothes were torn and tattered and he looked agitated and fidgety. I couldn't make out exactly what he was doing, but he hovered suspiciously over something in his hands. I assumed it involved some illegal activity so I quickly walked by. A few minutes later, as I returned to the BART terminal, I noticed the same guy standing in the corner of the alleyway and sure enough, he was smoking his crack-pipe. We made brief eye-contact but I could tell his eyes were too glazed from his drug-induced high to notice I was staring at him.
I immediately felt concern for him because,
1) I've been reading a book about a recovering drug addict, James Frey ("A Million Little Pieces"), and somehow by reading his emotional and disturbing experiences I feel like I can relate to this man.
2) Even though I have a beautiful life filled with love and companionship, a beautiful baby, a caring and compasionate husband, and a family that gives me unconditional support and love, his existence is a stark reminder to me that there is still suffering and those in need in this world.
He is probably an Alcoholic, a drug Addict and a Criminal but I wasn't scared and I stared at him, trying to imagine his family, whether he has children, whether he has a home. It was obvious the only thing on his mind was to get high. But I wondered where he would go from here. How did he get to where he was? What was his story? He's probably gone to jail before and wasn't affraid to go once more, but I hoped the police car that just drove past didn't notice his suspicious shadow lurking in the corner. It finally registered in his eyes that I was staring at him and just as he was about to look away in shame, I smiled slightly at him and then walked away. It was all I could do for him. Just smile and walk away.
I realized that I could very well have been in his place, living on the streets, torn and tattered, desperately searching for my next high. But I was blessed with a loving home, given the many opportuntites that many only dream of. I left him in the dirty rat-infested alleyway, because all I could do was walk away. Smile and walk away.
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