Epiphany

I never considered myself to be an overly ambitious, career-driven person, but my career has always determined many of the important outcomes in my life. For instance, my job after college led me to California. My decision to go to graduate school to advance my career led me to San Francisco. So as I prepared for motherhood in the final months of my pregnancy, I assumed that after my usual maternity leave, I would return to work and let my job/career dictate who and how my baby would be cared for.

But things changed after Bella was born. Something in me, for which I cannot fully explain, changed. Once we passed those first turbulent days after she born, Bella and I settled into our own rhythm of life and all of a sudden, my life had real purpose. I realized my job and my career meant practically nothing, that it is all truly just a mean to reach the end - to make money so that we can live. Not to live extravagantly, but to provide for our family and to be financial secure. My real purpose, I realized, was to be the mother of my child.

As I hold Bella at night, rocking her gently back and forth, I feel a peaceful calm that I've never felt before. It envelopes my mind and my soul. It is a feeling of inner peace and tranquility as if all is right and good in this world, a feeling of completeness and of pure love. She lays her little head quietly on my shoulder with her warm squishy arms wrapped around my neck, cooing in contentment. She squeezes tightly, burrowing her face into the nape of my neck as if to find a warm and comfortable resting place for her tired little head. I am reminded that she needs me just as much as I need her. Our hearts beat synchronously. We are inextricably tied to each other by our mother-daughter bond. My life has changed forever. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

How has my life changed, you may ask? Aside from the obvious, there are many changes, good and bad, that occur once you have a baby. Here are just a few:

10. Simple outings like going to the grocery store require lugging heavy baby equipment and at least 2 bags of baby supplies.

9. You become a professional napper to make up for lost sleep during the night.

8. Going to the movies is no longer a viable form of entertainment.

7. You use your six-inch whisper voice when talking to anyone to avoid waking the baby (even if the baby's not around)

6. Baby babble becomes a permanent part of your everyday vocabulary.

5. You walk throughout the house and complete household chores with stealth-like silence and precision to avoid waking the baby.

4. Severe and debilitating memory loss becomes an everyday occurrence.

3. You loose so much hair in the shower that you contemplate only washing it once a week.

2. You can lift 20 pound weights with ease thanks to the isotonic lifting action of carrying your baby.

1. You finally have purpose in your life.